Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.