He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients, no, three, I think — yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
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- I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it. [About a politician who had recently died]
- I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.
- Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
- A patient going to a doctor for his first visit was asked, And whom did you consult before coming to me? Only the village druggist, was the answer. And what sort of foolish advice did that numbskull give you? asked the doctor, his tone and manner denoting his contempt for the advice of the layman. Oh, replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, he told me to come and see you.
- The doctor learns that if he gets ahead of the superstitions of his patients he is a ruined man; and the result is that he instinctively takes care not to get ahead of them.
- The doctor should be opaque to his patients and, like a mirror, should show them nothing but what is shown to him.