Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one’s head.
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- Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
- The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
- There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought –a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
- Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
- Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
- I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious — except he purposely shut the eyes of his mind and keep them shut by force.